Before i start, i just wanted to once again thank Ian for stepping in while i was away, if you haven’t read it yet i highly suggest you give it a chance it’s called A Bloke’s Struggle. and is fantastic!
it really was an amazing week away, and i’ve returned not only feeling refreshed, encouraged, motivated, but for the first time i feel like i belong. Allow me to explain.
I’ve always seen my self as somewhat of a nomad, as a man with no real place to call my own, nowhere i truly belonged. And for a while i thought this was the call for the rest of my life. And i wasn’t happy about that at all, in fact i’d given up hope that i’d ever feel like there was a place for me anywhere but heaven. To be clear, it was never anyone’s fault that i felt like this, i have always been treated with love and respect at what ever church i’d attended.
The best way to explain this feeling is “knowing that there are people around you that love you isn’t the same as feeling it” so i’ve always convinced myself up to this point that i really was alone, that everyone i knew had just been nice to me because “it’s the Christian thing to do” rather than a real, tangible love. Well, i thought that till my trip to New wine.
See, i went up with a number of people from my original church, along with our sister church (which i’m apart of now) and there was a real sense of community among us, but it was on the last night, while in the arena, God truly broke me in the best possible way!
It came towards the end of the service, we were at the last night and i went to the front for prayer, and if i’m honest i can’t remember what the call was, because it was when i got back to my seat the Lord got me. I sat a row back from my friends and began to pray alone, well that was until pretty much all the members of my church that i was sitting with at the time joined me. and it just broke me, and i wept for nearly 20 minutes.
See the thing was, at the start of the week, the second night if i remember correctly, i sat with these wonderful people, and i had a word about me finally being “home” a feeling that was new to me as i stated before. So having my friends and church family surround me and pray with me was the most amazing feeling.
So, why do i feel called to share this with you wonderful people? Because this experience has really opened my eyes, not just to how bad my own insecurities were/are, but to inform you, that no matter how isolated you may feel in a church setting at least, that you are loved and you are valued there.
It can be hard to see that, when you’re so convinced that you’re not loved, that you’re not wanted or a part of the family, but you are. you are valued, and loved. Do not make the same mistake i did, and keep holding on to that doubt, because that doubt will always keep you at arm’s length from those you love until you conquer it.
I know this is much easier said than done, i know that this may seem impossible, but if someone as broken as i can come to realise this, you are already several steps ahead of me. And it can be done, you are chosen by God and accepted by your friends.
It may have taken me an experience such as this one to truly realise that i am valued and loved by the wonderful people in that church, but i’m praying that’s not the case for everyone. But please, when you feel like that know that you are loved, chosen, accepted, redeemed, and reborn in the blood of him who is love.
New wine has given me a number of ideas for topics in the upcoming weeks, and i also have a number of other projects relating to Life after Darkness in the pipeline so please stay tuned for that, i just wanted to thank you for all the support, and i pray that we continue to grow and walk together through this adventure, and that i’d be able to listen to what the Lord puts on my heart, and that i honour him in every one of these posts!
If you’d like to contact me for whatever reason, you can find the link to our Facebook page Here My twitter Here or leave a comment! Have a blessed week and as always…
Thank you for reading, and May God Bless you.