There’s been a lot going on in the best few weeks. Some of it not great (the issues with the laptop for example, but it seems to be working somewhat well now) some of it amazing (i was confirmed last weekend in front of my good friends and family) but all of it needed. See i’m a firm believer of having the good with the bad, though God doesn’t want us to go through the darkness, he uses it to show us the light. And that hasn’t been more apparent in my life than right now.
I had another setback on my recovery, and though i’m not proud of it, i made a promise to always be honest on this page. A number of weeks back, i fell back into my old ways, of shutting out my friends, and honestly wondering if there was a reason to keep pushing on, i knew God was there, it’s never been a doubt of faith, but more a doubt of my salvation. Why would the price of glory, the one that bridged the gap between the sinners and the kingdom of the Lord most high, die for someone like me? How can i keep pushing on, what reason do i have to keep going? Little did i know my answer would come in a small church two weeks later.
I don’t think I’ve mentioned it on Life after Darkness as of yet, but recently i signed up for a local preachers program. I feel the Lord is calling me into a role of leadership in the church later on in life, the reason i know it’s not now isn’t because of my age, but because of my spiritual maturity, i’m still nervous talking in front of people, i’m still a train-wreck when it comes to opening up, but if this is what the Lord wants me to do, then forward i go. Even though i don’t officially start until September, i’ve been traveling with a minister, and getting some practices in the churches in our local area. He is an inspiration to me, not only as a person, but as a child of God, a man who really does show the love of God in his life, in the way he treats others, and the investment he makes in people like me. And someone i hope that i can even be a fraction like, because i know i’ll be truly living for the lord if i’m even a little bit like him later on in my life.
During one of our travels, we went to a church that isn’t too far away from where i live, it’s a fairly small church, with a congregation of around 20 people, and it was here that the Lord gave me a reason to keep pushing on.
I was extremely nervous on this day, not out of fear of talking as such, but more in a sense of not wanting to do the living God an injustice in a service to celebrate him. and even though it wasn’t perfect, i manged to get through it. Anyway, we were worshiping from fairly traditional hymn books, honestly, i didn’t know any of the songs, but i tried my hardest to worship to them anyway. It was around halfway through the service that we sang the song that hit me the same way a song like “in Christ alone” does.
The lyrics of the chorus are as follows
“Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives”
This broke me. As many of you may know by now, i am someone who has suffered with suicidal tendencies, sometimes just thoughts. Sometimes actions. But the main reason for this was, on reflection, i didn’t know of a good reason to keep pushing on, I thought that my friends and family wouldn’t even notice if i’d died, because i meant that little to everyone else in my own head. I asked many people “why should i keep pushing on?” “why should i keep living?” “i’ve got nothing to live for” and so on. But our God is an amazing God, and will use something as simple as a few words from a song to change a life. Why is life worth living? Why is it worth pushing through? Why should you carry on when there’s nothing left to live for? Just because he lives!
There is always a reason to keep fighting. There’s always a reason to keep living. We can feel so broken, so tired of pushing through the pain, and it may seem like the easiest thing to do. Because everything else seems like pain. The reason to keep fighting when everything else seems hopeless is because the prince of peace is risen and he lives. Beat death, and all forces of hell that we may have a reason to keep going. It’s through him that we may be in loving relationship with the Father of all things. Life may seem hopeless, and in times of darkness. there may seem like there’s no way out. But with Jesus by our side, we can do all things. Even beat the darkness of depression.
So if you’re struggling for a reason to keep going, or you haven’t ever felt like you’ve had one. Remember, through God all things are possible. And life is worth the living, just because he lives!
If there are any songs that have touched your heart that you’d like to share, please let me know in the comments, or message me through any of our social media accounts. You can find me on twitter (Here) on facebook (Here) or even on instagram if that’s your sort of thing (Here) and if you want to know a bit more about my story of faith, as well as my struggle with depression give Saturdays post a read (The testimony of Luke H (one year anniversary special) ) also, here’s a link to the aforementioned song Crowder- because he lives but as always
Thank you for reading, and May God Bless you.