So last week, i wrote about the slip up i had in terms of my depression and my mindset. (A moment of kindness…) See, the root of my problem is an inherent lack of self-esteem. It was a revelation to say the lest, that maybe the reason i’m struggling to overcome the darkness that plays out in my mind is because i don’t feel worthy of overcoming it. I’m sharing this not as a means of attention grabbing, or as a plea for sympathy, but as an attempt at transparency.
When i started this blog, the idea was for me to be as honest as possible. Not just in sharing my faith, but as a means of supporting others that are having similar battles. I truly believe in the healing power of the Lord almighty. I believe his power is greater than anything in this world or any other. That he sent his only son down to die for us, not because we deserve it, but because we are loved so much by our father, that he would do anything to give us the chance to be in relationship with him as he intended. But my struggle isn’t in trusting in the word of the lord, but allowing him to love me.
I don’t see myself as worth saving. I convince myself that i’m not included in the love of the father, that for some reason, his love is for all but myself. And my head knows how untrue this statement is, but i’m struggling to put it into practice. This is a battle i thought i’d won, but until i looked into myself, and with the help of the lord, and my wonderful friends, i realized this is a fight i’m going to have to keep fighting.
The reason i’m writing about this is because i want everyone to know they’re valued and loved. Feeling like you’re not valued is one of the worst feelings. But we are given value in the one that values us. Just because we don’t feel valuable doesn’t mean we’re not, i mean, the living God gave his son for us! That is such a blessing, that our father would give his son for us, because we are that special to him. He took the time to craft you, and make you different from everyone else in this world. He will use our weaknesses for his good, and lift us in his strength. We could feel like we mean nothing to anyone, but that doesn’t make us any less saved.
And as true as this is, sometimes we do need affirmation from our loved ones. So my new tactic for beating the monster that is self loathing is something i call, “the list of affirmation.” And before i share this, i want to make it clear. I’m still only testing this as an idea, and it may not work, but it’s worth a try. The general idea is, because i can’t think of the good things about my self, so i’ve been asking a few of my dear friends to name somethings they like about me, and yes, it is a weird feeling asking your friends why do they like you! The hope being, that i will keep this list on my person, so when i have these bouts of self loathing, i have objective proof in the form of my loved ones opinions of me, to keep those thoughts at bay and destroy the lies of the enemy.
The hardest thing about it is asking other people for help when you don’t feel like you’re worth their time. But honestly, if you’re willing to put the effort in to change these thoughts, you’ll be surprised by the responses you get. But the important thing to remember is, you are loved. Not just by the people in your life, but the Lord of all. Open your heart to him, and you can be freed from all of these doubts about identity, and your worries of worth.
Lord. allow us to love ourselves as you do. Help us see worth in our times of worthlessness, be our strength in our weakness. You are always with us, even in our lowest moments, and you’ll never leave us. You are our anchor in the storms of this life, you are a fire that will never go out, you are love unimaginable, and grace undeniable. Help us see our worth and burn for you lord. in your glorious name. Amen
So if you try this method, let me know how it goes in the comments or send me a DM on twitter here Life after darkness twitter, It’ll be great to hear about your experiences with this! But as always.
Thank you for reading and May God Bless you.