It’s been a strange week for me. Last Tuesday I finished my last session of therapy, which to me at least, is a pretty big deal, it’s really got me thinking about the place i was in when i first started this blog at the end of may. For anyone that has been reading these for a while (Thank you if you have) You notice a number of changes this blog has gone through. From writing style to format, a lot has changed, which is pretty much the message of my life this year.
I’m not going to lie, this has been a hard year thus far, I’ve struggled with severe depression, worse than I’ve ever suffering in the 9 years of having depression, to the point of self harm and suicidal tendencies (see Saturdays post My battle with suicidal thoughts and the healing of Jesus (World suicide prevention day) ) to wrestling with my faith. I was torn between knowing that God is there, knowing that Jesus loves me and feeling like he’d abandoned me, that I was too much for him to be willing to deal with. This seems like a pretty strange mindset to have when most of my blogs are about how God is with us in the darkness that we are bound to go through in our lives, but that doesn’t make the feeling and less real when you’re in that mindset. And i know there are many followers of Jesus that struggle with this, because sometimes in our Joy of how amazing God is we forget that there will be times on this earth that things will go wrong, that it seems like things can’t get any worse for us, and we lose sight of Jesus. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t there.
But things seem to be getting better, and I know that’s not through anything I’ve done, it’s because even when I’ve been broken before those i love, he stood by me, and built me back to my former self. in the times of doubt Jesus reminded me of his unfailing love, and held me up so i can keep following him. I’m not fully healed by any stretch of the imagination, i still have my hopeless days, days where i struggle to see the point to get out of bed, or leave the house. But I’m still a work in progress, maybe in time I’ll be fully free of this illness, but until that day I’ll keep pushing on.
But I didn’t want to write about this as some sort of pat on the back for me, but an example. To those that are suffering right now, to those that are struggling with their faith due to past events. To those who are losing the will to keep going. It does get better. God will never abandon you, and he never has. He loves you more than you could ever know, he cares for you as a father cares for his child, and he will help you beat what ever you are going through. You have to keep your eyes on the light when darkness consumes, and he will lead you to amazing things. 3 months ago I thought there was no reason for me to keep going, That the sooner I give up the quicker the suffering ends. 3 months later and I know that he was with me the whole time, even though I thought there was nothing for me to give to this world, God showed me his plans for me and where ever I go next, I know he will stand by me. So next time things seem hopeless, remember, it does get better.
Thank you for reading, and may God bless you.
Find me on twitter here Life after darkness twitter
Join the community on facebook here Life after darkness facebook group