Hi everyone, this is week two on the topic of “The I in Christ” this weeks post is mainly about being patient and being able to understand that not everything can happen exactly when we want it to. If you have any suggestions for a future topic please let me know!
One of my biggest faults is my lack of patience, if that’s waiting for someone i’m meant to be meeting with, or waiting in line to get a coffee. It’s something i struggle with, and maybe by the grace of God i’ll overcome it in time, but this isn’t what i mean when i say ” In his time not in mine.” Last week the main focus was about being willing to step out and be used by Jesus to do his will, well then what? What do you do when you’ve done all you can in your human power? Well there’s two steps to that answer. The first is pray. Something that we should do as Christians in every situation, and the second is wait. This is where we need to be patient and willing to wait for his will.
I make no secret of the fact i suffer with clinical depression (as you probably figured out if you’ve followed this blog for any length of time or even read the tagline of the blog) and i have for a while, 9 years in fact, and i used to ask a lot “Lord, why haven’t you healed me of this?” “Why have you put this burden on my and my heart?” “Was it something I’ve done?” However, after thinking about it for a long time, i know there’s a reason for it, that doesn’t mean i still don’t struggle with it, and i will always have bad days just like everyone else, but I’ve come to realize that God lets me live with this because he wants to use it for good.
Now, that’s not to say that i will never be healed of it, or that no one else has before me, but i really feel like the lord calls me to suffer with depression in order to try and bless others that were in the same mindset that i was once in. I know that as soon as I don’t need to suffer with this horrible, relentless mental illness, i won’t. Because I know the God of love will heal me when it’s time to move on to the next chapter of my journey with his son. See, the moment that changed my mindset on this, wasn’t some huge trial by fire, nor some amazing vision or some other grand spectacle. It was just the realization that, if i was healed as soon as i wanted to be, almost all the amazing moments I’ve been a part of i would have missed. I wouldn’t have been able to relate to the people i know that also suffer with depression and try to help them find Jesus in that pain. And that’s because God’s timing is always perfect, in my time i would have been selfish and refused to take up my cross in order to help others bare theirs, but in God’s time I’ve been able to walk with those that suffer and lend them a hand. If i have to wait another day, another month or another 10 years to be healed, as long as i keep my sight on him and remember that this hardship will go on to be something amazing that’ll bless others, i will always say “In your time lord, Not mine”
Thank you for reading. And may God bless you.